Gnome For The Holidays

I am currently without a permanent residence, but most gnomes are. We seldom put down stakes anywhere for a long period of time. We tend to go from port to port relying on the hospitality of others. I'm a lucky gnome who's made wonderful friends in my lifetime.

As promised in my first post, I will tell you about me in the terms of my likes and dislikes. As I stated before, I like cheese....a lot. A perfect meal for me is a delicious hard cheese wheel and a nice glass of Chianti. Even better, a soft Brie spread on crackers with a warm cognac. Hennessey being my first choice of course. I also never turn down a nice malt liquor if one comes my way. You are probably not surprised that gnomes seldom have to pay for their own drinks in pubs. Unfortunately, those people are usually so inebriated that they are constantly asking me if they catch me will I give them my pot of gold. I just laugh finish drinking my free ale. Gnomes are often confused for Leprechauns.

I like movies and reality T.V. shows, though I seldom get the chance to watch them regularly. I'm 10" tall from the bottom of my feet to the tip of my hat, which is about average for gnomes. Of course just like humans, sizes may vary. I'm a registered voter, but I'm nonpartisan. Because of the obvious height requirement, I do not have a drivers license, but I did pass the written test. I love to read though in my travels I seldom have the opportunity. Not often I can find a book light enough to carry around along with my change of suspenders and whatnot. I can't even remember the last movie I went to now that I think about it. If I had a TiVo, or even a T.V. for that matter, I'd set it for anything with Mandy Patinkin, Clive Owen and Jim Carrey.

I dislike only one breed of elf. Notice I said dislike, because as I stated before, gnomes are a non-hating breed. It's just not in us. There are dozens of different "types" of elves. Just two different examples are Santa's elves and house elves.) I mentioned in my first post the I dislike a certain breed of elves, but for legal reasons I'll not mention them by name in any further posts. I will only refer to them as "Stinkin' Tree Dwellers". They actually give all elves a bad name. First, I haven't met one that didn't have a . . . dependency of one form or another. How else can you explain their constant cheerfulness. Would you be cheerful all the time if you worked long hours with hot ovens and were paid in broken cookies? You could find more compassion in a sweat shop in Honduras then in that factory. They use the older elves to advertise their products, but most of the workers I've seen are underage elves. I try to be sensitive to their plight, but I've met many of them and they all act so entitled and have hateful attitudes towards all others who are "Vertically Challenged". It's just bad blood all the way around. But, I and all my gnome friends only wish them happiness. But just the same, Gnomes and "Stinkin' Tree Dwellers" try to make it a point not to cross paths.

Well, that is more than enough for now. I'll write more after all the holidays have passed. Have a festive Christmas, make Merry, Jingle your bells and remember, every time a bell rings an angel gets their wings! Blessed Be,

Clive the Gnome King